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the new normal

I am completely overwhelmed The smallest tasks are a constant, daily struggle I have never been so sad so hurt so lost ....
I have so many questions: Will this happen again? Will my marriage make it through? Who will I become? Will I ever connect with the world again? Can I connect with a baby again? Will this pain ever subside? Will this fear ever subside?
I need to look ahead I'm making plans for the future It's the only way I know how to move on forward ....
"Do you have any kids" I never realized how often this gets asked to a married 20-something I'm always tore between "Not Yet" and "Not Anymore" ....
Not Yet says no. Which feels true because I don't have any kids, right? I can't comfortably say Not Yet It feels like I'm pretending Eloise didn't exist It feels like I am betraying her to say Not Yet
Not Anymore sounds like I'm a victim, looking for sympathy I am not. I found that people respond to this better than I would have thought They ca…

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